Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and she was petting her beer can
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How's work?
Spinning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
