8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
