who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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