moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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