Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
