I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
