This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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