im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
