dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
