my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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