she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she told me i tasted like america
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
