I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
