Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
