i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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