Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
