No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
