Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
