Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
