I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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