I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
