I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
