Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Life is so much better after having sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
