then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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