if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
