Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
