He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
