Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
40s are totally the cure
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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