So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
