I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish you could order shots online.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
