I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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