Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
