Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
