ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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