it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
