I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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