oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
