She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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