You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
