Yo dont text me then not text me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
