If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
a search helicopter?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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