I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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