My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
