Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i drank out of a bidet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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