he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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