but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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