On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
