My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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