it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
