My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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