Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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