I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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