hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
