I faked an abortion last night.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
