my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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