when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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