Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
