You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
