i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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