he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
