remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
