i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
