You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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