Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
