Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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