OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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