I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
