Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My liver just broke up with me...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
