If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
