I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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