I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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