Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
