what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
