Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Randomize
