just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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