I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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