I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
