im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
