I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she pinky promised me she was 18
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
