I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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