Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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