is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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