she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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